Habits and our Unknown Pleasures

If you would attain what you are not yet, you must always be displeased by what you are. For where you were pleased with yourself there you have remained. But once you have said, “It is enough,” you are lost. Keep adding, keep walking, keep advancing; do not stop, do not turn back, do not turn from the straight road.
— St. Augustine

Have you ever wondered where it is that you took that wrong turn?
Often when you take a wrong turn it is very hard to find your way back, and as St Augustine says, "you are lost."

Habits can keep you lost. They are incredibly powerful things. You have habits of thought that shape your attitude and personality. You have physical habits that shape your body and health. You have spiritual habits that feed or can starve your soul. We all have them.

The questions is, why are habits so hard to start at some times, and so hard to end at others?

Have you ever had a habit you wanted to get rid of but couldn't seem to stop doing or thinking it? You want it gone, but it just doesn't go away. There are some reasons for this phenomenon, but the bottom line is that every habit, whether good or bad, whether wanted or unwanted gives us some sort of pleasure.

Let me share a short story about a person you have probably met before. This person is always letting everyone at his workplace know how hard he works. He often stays late and he he arrives early. He makes sure everyone knows that he is putting in the extra hours. You may even feel like he is a star employee and you're just not that committed.

This person who works so late and so hard is really finding pleasure in it, because he finds his importance by letting everyone know what a great worker he is. This person may not even want to stay late, he may not want to make a big deal of his hard work, but yet he does. One day he decides to quit, but he finds it to hard to go home on time, to keep his mouth shut about his hard work, and thus continues in his role as the employee who works the longest hours.

But if you take that person and help him set goals to be around his family more, and he sees how important it is for his kids to have their Dad around. Then he can replace the pleasure of feeling important at work with the pleasure of feeling important at home.

The moral of the story is if you have a habit you want to break, then ask yourself:

-What pleasure am I getting from this bad habit?
-How can I replace that pleasure with something healthy?
-Address the obstacles that could keep you from making the change, and write out the action steps you need to take to get past those obstacles and on the road to breaking the habit, or better yet replacing the pleasure.

You unfortunately will have a very difficult time simply stopping a bad habit, you have to replace the pleasure first. If you want to stop smoking, address the pleasure. And in comes more food, more gum, more toothpicks, or Nicorette.

If you are always late, is it because you enjoy taking your time leaving the house? Is it because you like to arrive fashionably late and make an entrance? Is it because you hate to feel rushed so you show up when you feel like it? Is it because you enjoy skipping small talk and the awkward feeling of arriving to a social event when nobody else is there?

Identify the pleasure you get and replace it. if you enjoy taking your time before you leave the house; then get up earlier and take it slow- make some coffee, take a long shower, have breakfast, and then roll out nice and slow but on time.

If you arrive late because you like to make an entrance; then dress sharper, meet more people once you arrive, memorize some good conversation starters, and look for other positive ways to stand out besides being late.

Habits give us pleasure, no matter how small it may be, identify the pleasure then replace it with something enjoyable and personally satisfying. Then grab those nasty habits by the neck and throw them to the ground.

-Jon Bohm